As a man who is in very great control of his life, I have managed to only incur a few harmless obsessions. One could categorize my numerous Apple products to be a little obsession, of course, not in the hipster way. A second one may be my obsessive followership to Cracked.com. However, these obsessions may not qualify as “full on” obsessions or the “Merriam-Webster” definition of an obsession but there is one thing in my life that certainly fits everybody’s qualification of obsession and may even drift into “straight jacket and padded wall” addiction. Many of you have probably guessed it already but for those who don’t know, I’ll give you a little hint…

Ok, so it wasn’t all that subtle. My biggest addiction is Coca-Cola. I have been known to drink up to six to seven cans a day and always have a stash where ever I go. This borderline obsession with a mere soft drink has led to some very peculiar activities. I just mentioned my daily consumption but it goes way beyond that. I have a collection of Coca-Cola apparel, glasses, collectible Olympic aluminum cans and may even have a tattoo of the very logo you just saw. With that, it wouldn’t be surprising that my next step in my obsession would be to acquire a job at the local Coca-Cola plant.

Which I did.

To be perfectly honest, the main goal of getting a job within the company I am the most loyal to, was not about making more money…at all. You see in the fall of 2011, I was at a very interesting point in my life. I was about to start my final year of college and trying to figure out what to do with my life afterwards, therefore before that final year started, I had to evaluate my life and figure out exactly what I wanted from life. Working for Coke helped narrow my focus to actually get the most out of life. The best way to illustrate this would be to tell you exactly what my first question was on my very first day of work:

“Do employees get a discount on product?”

To my surprise, the answer was yes (to the first question that is). Every employee got a discount on everything from Coca-Cola Classic to Tab (don’t drink Tab, it’s just awful) to Vitamin Water. At that moment I knew I was in heaven. Not only was this job giving me a discount on the product I spend the most money on, but they were paying me to distribute the product to others.

Gentle readers, if your kids are reading this with you, cover their eyes and ears because what I’m about to say is extremely adult oriented and could decay their prepubescent minds…actually just cover their eyes, sometimes I forget that this is a blog and you can’t hear the inner monologue that I hear while I write this.

Readers, I was an honest to God, Coke dealer.

Go ahead, take some time to process that, it’s all right, I’ll wait until your jaw comes back up to its normal position.

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So I was distributing Coke, got paid for doing it, got a discount for it to feed my addiction and a nice little 401 (k) on top of it all. It was glorious. I took advantage of every single perk that they offered me and my apartment has been fully stocked since I started. Now, a curious reader may ask why I’m telling you this now of all times. Well, as of last Saturday, I’m officially no longer employed with the company. Don’t get me wrong, the perks were absolutely magnificent but unfortunately the people that send me bills do not see Coca-Cola as a viable means of payment (in my mind, one 12oz can of Coca-Cola Classic is equal to one dollar of American money).

After looking for a full time position in my undergrad field (healthcare administration), I was able to score a sweet job at a medical center in Omaha and had to end my very short run within the Coca-Cola Company in order to keep my sanity and weekends free. I certainly hope down the line that my career path and the Coca-Cola Company will cross again because, all joking aside, it truly is a remarkable company to work for and they really know how to take care of their employees…especially the one’s who are addicted to their products. Luckily for me, I planned ahead and on my last day of work I sufficiently stocked up. Thanks Coca-Cola for everything.